Around 4:45pm yesterday we received the call we had been waiting to get for the past 3 weeks. The birth mother had made her decision. For weeks we had been praying along with many others for God's will to be done in this situation. It only took a moment for the adoption counselor to deliver the news, my heart was pounding but in my head I knew by the tone of her voice the news she was calling with would not end our journey, but would be God calling us to continue to wait.
"After careful consideration she (the birth mother) has decided to parent". She paused for a moment, giving me a chance to take in the news. I don't think it's possible to put into words the emotions I felt in that moment. We had been well prepared that this was possible with any birth mother, but in that moment it brought life to what had been just simply words. We have gotten close in the past, but never this close. This was not a paper possibility of what could be, this baby was real, this situation was real and the chance for us to finally have a child was more real than it has ever been.
Oddly enough through the flurry of emotions I uttered the words I knew God had laid on my heart "This is the best decision she could have made". Our adoption counselor explained the details behind the situation, talked about our homestudy and then asked if I had any questions. By her tone I could tell this was not the news she had hoped to deliver to an eager family. She was trying to give hope were presently there was little. She apologized for not being able to call with better news, but in our hearts we know this was no surprise to God and was exactly how He intended it. For that we can consider this GREAT NEWS! We may never know why she came to the adoption agency, we may never see the end result, we may never meet the precious little one she is carrying, but we know in all these things that God had a greater plan in mind.
So what now? We wait. No doubt we struggle with the disappointment & loss of yet one more possibility. I would be lying if I said we weren't heartbroken again. No matter how "cautiously optimistic" we try to remain a piece of our heart seems to rest with every possibility God lays before us. Although we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was the best decision for this baby’s life, it doesn't leave our arms any less empty and our hearts any less heavy. So what now, well we wait and we pray, that is what we are called to do.
As I was attempting to sleep last night the Lord brought to mind a conversation I had with Patrick last week about our study in the book of Philippians. I had read a passage that seemed to jump off the page:
12Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. 13As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. 14Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly.
What if everything we have been through these past seven years has served to increase the gospel? What if our wait has been to encourage others and spur others on to faith? What if the passion that drives us has given voice to those who cannot speak for themselves? What if this has been less about our pain and more about HIS glory? We are confident in this, God has put us on this path for HIS glory and HE is faithful to complete it in HIS timing.
The chorus of the first song on this blog "Reign In Us" say's this:
"Oh great and mighty one, with one desire we come
that You would reign that You would reign in us
We're offering up our lives, a living sacrifice
that You would reign that You would reign in us"
We truely desire to be a living sacrifice no matter how HE chooses to use us. Because we know in our hearts God is using our process for HIS glory, can find encouragement in the face of discouragement.
To all of you who have fervently prayed, THANK YOU! We could never express to you just how much we love and appreciate each one of you. Please, DO NOT STOP!
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
hj
2 comments:
Oh, Heather, Matt and I are so sorry for this disappointment. Of course we will be on our knees on your behalf.
Today's Oswald says, "No man ever receives a word from God without instantly being put to the test over it." Now, I'm not confident that this present trial is a test, but I am humbled by how well you two "come forth as pure gold" in light of the words you've received.
It is true that your story is an inspiration, an encouragement to those of us who also walk this road. I love that the word "encourage" literally means to "give courage to." You and Patrick give Matt and I the courage to move forward in our own journey toward parenthood.
We love you dearly and wish we were there physically to walk alongside you.
Here is a verse the Lord and I have been dealing with A LOT lately. Perhaps there is encouragement there fo ryou as well.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Cor. 4:16)
The weight of your glory, Heather, is intense, full and massive.
don't think you have escaped our prayers or thoughts heather! God is faithful and no matter what, His glory will shine! Your godly example of how a woman, wife and yes, mother live and hope and pray, is an awesome testimony to us and everyone around. love you and excited about the plans He has for you two.
Post a Comment